When I Look in Your Eyes Chapters 2 to 6
by NancyD1
Summary: Ginger and Toby centered. Chapters 2 to 6 Finally uploaded the rest of the chapters all on this upload.
1. Chapter 2 of 6

  
Title: "Under My Skin" (Sequel to "When I Look in Your Eyes")  
Characters: Toby / Ginger   
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: No money made here...Not unless you want the 47 cents from under my couch cushions...  
Author's Notes: I picked this messy relationship because I've been there myself...I'm a virgin writer, so any constructive advice, etc. would be appreciated...So, here we go...  
  
  
  
1 - Toby  
Friday night, sometime in June  
  
  
I walk into my office hoping to get some work done only to find the "Terrible Twosome" in residence.   
  
"I see you forgot how to read again," I growl, as I stare Sam out of my chair. "This my office, not the clubhouse."  
  
Josh is lounging on my couch, smiling at me. "We're going out tonight to make trouble. Wanna join us?"  
  
"Why would I? We have a government to run, in case you missed that in the last club meeting minutes." I said opening up a file, hoping they would get the hint.  
  
"It's Cathy's birthday today," Sam said, speaking of his assistant, "And I promised her that we would honor her day with alcohol, dirty jokes and cigars."  
  
Sensing my reluctance to this night of debauchery, Josh said, "C'mon Toby. CJ made me promise her that you would be there. She hates it when you drink alone."  
  
"I get more drinking done when I'm not distracted."   
  
"Aw, Toby," Josh said, deliberately whining, "All the other kids don't think you like them."  
  
"That's because I don't." I growl.  
  
Sam smiled, "Good, we'll count you in."  
  
"We're leaving in about an hour. We'll swing by to pick you up." Josh said, jumping off my couch.  
  
"I never-"  
  
"An hour, Toby!" Josh laughed, as they headed out the door.  
  
I cursed my childish co-workers and vowed to not be there when they came back. But for some reason the thought of another night working late at the office with a nightcap at my local watering hole wasn't appealing. Lord knows I can do that any time.  
  
I look out into the bullpen. Ginger is working at her desk, unaware of my observation. I haven't seen her, having been on Capital Hill for most of the day. She answers the phone and suddenly laughs. I enjoy watching her like this, relaxed and happy and wonder who can change her mood in an instant.  
  
"Hey, Bonnie," she says, setting down the receiver. "That was Sam. He said tonight's the night he shows me how to smoke a cigar," and she laughs again.   
  
"Doesn't he owe you a couple of drinks, too?" Bonnie looked up from her filing.  
  
"Yes, that makes it even better. Tonight, the party's on Sam Seaborn!" And she stood up.   
  
Oh my god. She's wearing THAT dress. And Sam Seaborn is plying her with drinks?  
  
I grab my phone. "Josh, tell CJ she has nothing to worry about. I'll join you tonight." As I hung up the phone, everything that I had tried so hard to forget suddenly came back to me in an instant.   
  
  
It was election night. We had just won the White House. All of the pain, sweat and tears of the campaign was suddenly lifted and tonight would be the party of a lifetime. The champagne flowed; the music played and there was much hugging and kissing all around. For once I dropped my reserve and allowed myself to be touched, something I avoided since my divorce.   
  
I watched Ginger all night. She seemed to glow with happiness. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She was wearing a simple black wrap dress and high heels that showed off those long legs.  
  
Once or twice I almost found the nerve to approach her, but she was always being swept away by some guy, either for a hug or for a dance. She danced with everyone, from campaign workers to the newly elected, President Bartlet. Leo McGarry, I seemed to recall, managed to get a slow dance with her. The old dog got to hold her close. As for Sam, I think he was trying to hug, kiss and dance all at the same. I was about to break in when I saw her excuse herself and leave the ballroom. I tried following her to make sure she was okay, but the crowds were too great and I had know way of knowing where she went.   
  
I gave up and was on my way to the men's restroom when Ginger stumbled head first out of the women's and into my arms.  
  
"Toby! I haven't seen you all night." Ginger exclaimed, giving me a hug and a sisterly kiss on the cheek. "The champagne turned Sam into an octopus so I had to excuse myself." She looks straight at me, her blue eyes sparkling and a playful smile on her lips.  
  
I kissed Ginger. To this day I don't know what possessed me. I kissed her and she responded. Her kisses were warm and tender. Sweet heaven, her mouth tasted like champagne and chocolate. I held her tighter as if I couldn't let go.  
  
Somewhere, in the distance, there were voices and we quickly separated. Ginger was about to flee into the women's restroom, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her through another doorway to what I thought was a deserted room. In the shadows, we saw two figures dash out another door.  
  
Ginger laughed. "I see we're not the only ones who want to be alone." Then I hear her say quietly, "Maybe we should go someplace a little more private."  
  
I wasted no time. We managed to get up to my hotel room without being seen by anyone we know or thought we knew. I kissed her uncontrollably in the elevator, but when we got to my room, I froze. I didn't know what to do. I was as nervous as a schoolboy on his first date. I wait by the door.  
  
"Ginger? Is this okay?" I ask, hoping she'll tell me to go to hell and leave.  
  
She smiles and holds out her hand. "Toby," she said. It was the only encouragement that I needed.  
  
I took her hand and kissed her with all my might. How long had it been since I embraced a woman with such passion? Not since the earliest days of my marriage to Andie had I felt like this.  
  
My mouth found the tender spot on her neck that nearly made her knees buckle. My fingers slowly massaged her beautiful, soft breasts as I slowly traced kisses down her neck and along the v-neck line of her dress.  
  
"Toby," she kept whispering my name. "Toby."  
  
I had just found the tie of her dress and pulled it open when there was a loud banging on the door and someone shouting for me.  
  
We both froze. It was a voice we both recognized.   
  
There was another bang on the door. "Toby, it's Josh. The President wants to see you!"  
  
By this point, Ginger had pulled herself away from me and straightened her dress. Without a word, she grabbed her purse and jumped into the clothes closet. She understood what was at stake if anyone found her in my room.  
  
"Just a moment," I roared. I checked my face for lipstick and then cursed Josh and the President soundly as I opened the door. I would have to add Sam to the list for he was there too. You idiots! I wanted to rage, but I only glare at them.  
  
"Hey what took you so long?" Josh said with a goofy grin. "You got a woman in there?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm having hot steamy sex," I snapped as I shut the door, hoping Ginger would understand.  
  
************  
  
Ginger and I never spoke about that day again. In fact, to ensure that I would never lose control of my lust, I went to personnel and requested Ginger to become one of my assistants. At the time I thought it a perfectly reasonable solution to a potential emotional involvement. By working together, she would get to know my habits; I would get to know hers. We would learn how to hate each other. Problem solved.  
  
Besides, my heart still belongs to Andie. I couldn't possibly betray our marriage like this.   
  
Except for one small thing, I remind myself as I prepare to leave for the pub. You're still attracted to her. Otherwise, why would you be chasing after Sam to make sure he's not chasing after Ginger?  
  
**********  
  
2. Ginger - At the pub, later that night  
  
The night was turning out to be what I needed. The company, the music, the alcohol and the raucous behavior were what I wanted to wipe a horrible month out of my mind.  
  
Not that working for Toby was ever a piece of cake. He's surly and ungrateful even on his best days. But for some reason, the past month, he thoroughly lived up to his mother's assessment of being "a pain in the ass". He's been so nasty and critical that Leo said something to him about his behavior. Which only made things worse, as Toby thought one of us snitched on him. None of us has admitted it but we in his group suspect that it was one of the other senior staffers.  
  
"Something has to be bothering him and no one, not even Leo, can figure it out," Margaret told me that night. We were sitting at the bar, away from the rest of the party.  
  
"Do you think it has anything to do with his ex-wife?" Margaret asked, as I gulped down the rest of my Tom Collins.  
  
"It's always about the ex," I said, "Look at Leo and Jenny. It's always an issue when the women leave first."  
  
"It's spooky that he still wears his ring," Margaret wrinkled her nose at the thought of it. "Besides who would want a moody, temperamental man like Toby Ziegler?" And on that note, she wanders away.  
  
I shrug my shoulders, hoping I wasn't blushing too much. But I want him, I think to myself. I want to smooth away his troubles and kiss him till whatever pain there is goes away. What am I thinking? I give my head a shake. Damn! I need to date someone. Anyone. Have a fling even. Just to get this man out of my mind!  
  
I look around the darkened pub and at first I only see the people I work with. Sam and CJ are talking Josh and Cathy out of having a shots contest with Donna. Carol and Charlie are discussing books and other members of the staff are caught up in their drinks and conversations. It takes me only a moment to locate Toby, set a little way off from the rest of us, watching, nursing his bourbon.  
  
I signal the bartender for another drink. As I wait, a man appears at my side. And he's not anyone that I work with either. He's a good-looking man, with smooth brown hair and warm blue eyes. He smells good. He smiles. His teeth aren't crooked. I smile back. Good start Ginger. We talk a little and I get his phone number. I wander back to my coworkers.  
  
"I saw you talking to that guy." Cathy said, with a wink. She had a shot in one hand and a cigar in another. "Hey, everyone, Ginger got a man!"   
  
You would think I had announced that I was going to blow up the White House by the way everyone reacted. The assistants wanted to know what he looked like. Sam wanted to know what type of job he had. CJ hit Josh on the head. "See? That's what I get for talking to you. I miss the eligible men."   
  
Then I notice that Toby has heard this whole conversation. He's just sitting there, staring at me. There's something happening between us. I can feel it. It takes every ounce of control to tear my eyes away from his and ask Sam for a cigar and another drink. It was time to get Toby out of my life. And if it meant alcohol and Sam Seaborn, so be it.  
  
"Here you are, my dear." Sam said, flashing one of his dazzling smiles at me. He pulls out a cigar from his shirt pocket. "Will you remember me when you leave us for this man of mystery?"  
  
I laugh and begin to revel in the glow of the Sam Seaborn charm. "Now, how do I do this?"   
  
"First of all," Toby's voice came from behind us. "You don't smoke that piece of crap." Toby took the cigar from me and stuck it back in Sam's shirt. "This is what the lady should have," and he pulled a cigar from his pocket. "Very mild but with good flavor." He peers at the mixed drinks in front of me. "And not with that. Bartender, two brandies." He touches me, ever so lightly on my elbow, and, as if under a spell, I get up from the bar stool and follow him to his chair. Oh my god, it's happening again. What am I doing with this man?  
  
Toby explains the cigar to me. The leaves, the hand rolling process, how it burns. Then he lights it for me and I take it. As my mouth encircles the end, I feel the intimacy of his mouth in mine. The thought makes me cough. He chuckles and reminds me to puff, not inhale. Surprisingly, I enjoy my cigar and the brandy, although after drinking it, I don't know how I can get out of my chair, I'm so drunk.  
  
"Ginger," Toby is speaking to me. I focus on him. I hear him chuckle, something I haven't heard in ages. "Let me drop you off at home."  
  
"Mmmm, good idea," is all I can manage.  
  
We made our exit quickly while everyone else make plans for another bar. As we leave, I wobble a little so I grab Toby's arm. "It must have been the cigar."  
  
He laughs softly. "I think I'll limit your brandy next time." I smile at the words, "next time" but try not to read anything into it.  
  
He drives me back to my apartment and escorts me up the stairs and into my apartment. "My roommate's gone," I say, dumping my purse and coat on a chair. "Would you like anything?" He just looks at me. "Toby?" I reach for his arm and he pulls me to him.  
  
"I'm weak," he whispers and then kisses me.   
  
I lose myself in the kiss. I forget work and the daily drudgery and the constant brow beatings I take from this man. I forget about the phone number in my purse. I forget about the ring on Toby's left hand. The only think I know is his mouth on mine, his arms around my body, crushing mine to his.   
  
I don't remember how, but we managed to make it to the couch. My shoes and hose came off and my dress was about to be next. Toby ran his hands over my dress.   
  
"I used to dream about this dress," he said, "You look so beautiful in it, you make me lose all reason." He toyed with the small string at my waist.   
  
"I don't think Josh and Sam will appear if you pull it." I said with a smile.  
  
Toby chuckled and kissed me again. "Sweet heaven," he whispered, when we came up for air. He looked at me square in the eye and I saw the subtle shift in his mood.   
  
"Ginger, I should go." He said.  
  
From the tone of his voice, I knew it would be fruitless to argue. "Of course," I say. I get off him and close my dress.  
  
As Toby fixes his shirt and gathers up his suit jacket, I give it another try. "It's late. Toby, why don't you stay the night?"  
  
"Ginger, you know I can't. We might do something we both regret."  
  
"I don't regret anything, Toby. Not with you."  
  
Toby shakes his head and gathers me into his arms. He holds me for a long time but makes no move to kiss me.   
  
"Good night, my angel," I barely hear Toby whisper. I look at him with bewildered eyes. He kisses me gently and bids me good night.  
  
I lock up after him and go to bed immediately, numb from Toby's rejection. I cry a little and curse him to try and make myself feel better. But nothing will take away how I feel about him. I hate Toby. I love Toby. I cry harder till I fall into a dreamless sleep.  
  
To Be Continued (?)  
  
  
As usual, feedback would be wonderful. Thanks!  



	2. Chapter 3 of 6

Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Three (3/6)  
Characters: Toby / Ginger (alternates character POV)  
Author: Nancy D.  
Rating: PG-13ish for some language  
Disclaimer: No money made here...  
Archive: Just tell me where - nancyd92101...  
Feedback: Constructive is always welcome. I'm new to this, please be kind.  
Author's Notes: It's my first. For some reason I never finished loading the remaining chapters…here they are.

Ginger  
Mid-December

There is always this deafening moment of silence that comes after Toby Ziegler finishes arguing on the phone. I wait for the bellow:

"Ginger!"

I appear in his office, cool and efficient, although I doubt Toby even notices; he's making notes in a file.

"Get rid of that stuff on my couch. I'm done with it."

"Didn't Josh want that information for the next...?"

Toby interrupts me. "I don't care if Moses wants it; get it out of my office!"

"Yes, sir." As I turn to the piles and begin sorting, I can feel Toby's eyes on me. A shiver runs down my spine. It's almost at though he was touching me. I sighed. How long has it been? Three months and how  
many days since I opened my heart and he proceeded to break it?

Anger floods me and a file slips out of my hand and papers scatter across the carpet. So much for appearing calm and efficient

Ginger, you're an idiot! He's made his choice and it's not you, I tell myself as I gather up the papers. Despite my anger, I want to weep right there on the floor.

One Saturday night, the guy I just started dating, ditched me after I chose to go to work instead of staying with him. All I had to show for that night was the dinner bill and a bruised cheek. When I  
showed up at work, Toby forced me to tell him why I look like I'd been in a brawl. I was surprised and amused that he was so sweet that night, taking me home and making sure the idiot wasn't lurking in the corners of my apartment. He kissed me and held me, and murmured words of comfort until my bruised body and mind was calmed. I asked him to stay. But like the night of Cathy's party, he declined, and this time  
he had a reason: His ex-wife, Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt decided just a few days earlier that she would finally take up Toby's repeated invitations for reconciliation.

"You do understand, don't you Ginger? It was out of the blue," Toby said, straightening his tie that I loosened in our passionate embrace just minutes before. "I don't know what will happen with Andy and me. We need to see what's there."

I remained perfectly calm. "Of course, I understand." My heart broke.

To be truthful, I wasn't surprised that Toby would want to go back to her. How could I expect him to give up everything he wanted based on a few stolen moments of incredible passion? I tried to feel guilty  
for hoping that it wouldn't work out between them. Fortunately there was enough of the mess from Toby's office to occupy my mind for the next hour or more. Of late, I had forgotten my promise of looking forward and had been thinking too much of what had been. But  
how could I put the thought of his touch and taste of his skin out of my mind when we spend most of our waking hours next to each other? I keep trying to tell myself that I need to move on, get a new job. I  
even went down to personnel to inquire. It seems to be the only way to get him out of my life and mind.

To save myself from any further emotional attachment, I adopted a very professional, yet cold demeanor with Toby. He became "Mr. Ziegler" or "Sir". I know it irritated him, but I wanted him to know that if he  
could drop me in an instant, I could do the same. And yet, I stay, needing to be near him almost every waking moment.

In the midst of my project, Sam Seaborn stops by my desk. "Doing anything for lunch?"

"You're looking at it," I said, gesturing at the piles on my desk.

"Even to the mess for a sandwich?"

I sighed. "I wish!" and glanced around Sam, into Toby's office. I could have sworn Toby was watching us.

Sam leaned forward and whispered, "Come on! The man can't keep you tied to a desk all day! We can run away when he's not looking. Would an actual meal not served in a box or on a tray tempt you enough to leave  
all this behind?"

"Sam, you do know how to lead a girl astray. Maybe another time?" I look at my desk. "Now, I really need to get back to work."

"Sam, leave Ginger alone!" Toby was at his door.

"We were only talking," I said, irritated.

"Don't you have work to do?" I'm not sure if Toby meant the question for Sam or me.

"Of course. This being the White House, I would suspect that there's something on my desk. See Ginger, I'm not the only one that knows how to shuffle papers." Sam gives me a quick wink and goes into his office.

Toby glares at Sam's retreating back and then at me. Except that I'm already focused on the files, should Moses, or anyone else for that matter, need them.

"Don't encourage the man." Toby tosses a sheet on my desk. "The Senator's name is incorrect. The ending is w-i-c-z. It's Ukrainian."

"Actually, sir, the senator's family is named after a city of Poland, and it's Boleslawiec, w-i-e-c." I hate it that he's such a know-it-all.

"I've known the man for two years. W-i-c-z. Don't argue with me on this."

"Then you've been spelling his name wrong for two years, Mr. Ziegler," I retort sharply.

"Fix it!" He glares at me and disappears down the hall.

I seethe at my desk for a moment and then pick up the phone. A few minutes later a fax comes for me. I leave the sheets for him on his desk and rush down to Sam's office.

"Is that lunch still available?" I ask.

"Did Toby get into the holiday spirit and let you go to lunch?"

"No, I just proved him wrong on something and don't want to be here when he finds out," I admitted.

Sam smiled. "Let's go."

Toby  
The same day - a while later

I feel like hell. The holidays always do that to me. Being Jewish, Christmas was, of course, not my time of year and after a while, the holiday fluff of cards and mistletoe suffocated me.

So I was in a fine mood when I discovered that Ginger wasn't at her desk. "Where's Ginger?" I asked Bonnie.

She doesn't bother to look up from her filing. "I saw her leave with Sam, so I can only assume they went to lunch." I could have sworn she smiled as she said it.

I go to my office, muttering under my breath. My muttering turns to cursing when I find a fax on my chair. Damn! Why does she have to be right about these things?

My head starts to throb at the thought of Ginger. How could this be? I desperately wanted to be with my ex-wife. But those kisses, that body, those wonderful, awful, passionate moments with Ginger, almost changed my mind. To prevent me from making another mistake, I knew I needed to banish Ginger from my sphere. In my best moment, I inquired about other  
positions in the White House. At my worst, I thought of firing her. But nothing ever came of it. Instead, I became angry that she stayed with me, even purposely treated her poorly to force her to quit. But at the  
same time, lived in fear that she would leave, that she would forget me. But maybe she has. There is this wall between us, formal and business-like, and cold. She's taken to calling me 'sir' or 'Mr.'  
Ziegler', something that she hasn't called me since early in the campaign. I told, no, yelled at her to stop. She, of course, didn't. Wanting to clear my mind, I called Andy.

Of late we had been talking more and arguing less. We were, of course, ideologically opposed and emotionally similar, which meant we had lively discussions. But some of the rancor that would normally remain  
dissipated and we managed to be quite civil to one another.

"Hello Pokey," Andy's voice said on the other end. "Sorry, but I have to rush to the Hill. Dinner tonight?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ginger has returned. She was talking to Bonnie at her desk, showing her the contents of a pink shopping bag from a certain lingerie store. My pulse races.

"Toby, are you even listening to me?" Andy suddenly snaps me back to our conversation.

"Um, yes. Sorry." I wipe my brow. I'm sweating.

"Was there a reason that you called me? I have to go." She was upset.

"Just wondering you'd go with me to the staff holiday party." Shit. Where did that come from?

"Oh." Andy is just as surprised as I am. "I'll have to let you know. I really have to run."

We say good-bye. I know she's still pissed at me, but I didn't care. I wanted to know why Ginger has new lingerie.

I walk out to the bullpen just in time to hear Bonnie say, "So, with Sam taking you to the party, I guess Margaret and I will have to find our own ride home."

Before I can think, I'm in Sam's office, slamming the door.

"What's going on?" I'm trying to keep my temper in check.

"What?" Sam is just taking off his suit jacket.

"What's going on with you and Ginger?"

Sam looks at me blankly. "We went to lunch."

"You're taking Ginger to the party." I stated.

"Why does this matter to you?"

"I don't want her hurt."

Sam is looking at me like I'm nuts. "Toby, Ginger and I are friends. I would never hurt her."

I shake my head. God, he's a good actor. "Sam you have a reputation with women that wouldn't make her look good."

There is a discreet cough and suddenly I'm aware of other people in the room. I look over to see Josh and CJ staring at me.

I leave. Quickly.

There was a knock on my door.

"Go away!" I shout. I can't face anyone after that alarming display of jealousy. I'm concentrating on the feel of my wedding band on my finger.

The door opens and CJ enters, wearing a Christmas blouse.

"CJ, that looks terrible on you."

"Why thank you Toby for those kind words," CJ snapped. "And I must say that brown suit really brings out the ass in you."

"What do you want?"

"What the hell just happened in Sam's office?"

I didn't say anything; I just keep fiddling with my ring.

"Toby I asked you a question!" CJ exclaimed, leaning over my desk. "Why is it such a big deal that Ginger goes out with Sam?"

I look up suddenly. "How long have they been going out?" By the look on CJ's face, I realize that I've revealed my hand.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" CJ's tone softens. "Toby, we've been friends for a long time and I would hope you could come to me if you needed to talk."

I wanted to tell her. Tell anyone. But I was afraid of what CJ would think of me, the boss who took advantage of his subordinate. How could I explain to her what was going on inside of me if I didn't understand?

"It's none of your business."

Finally she said, "Maybe it's good that we're talking. I needed to speak to you about Ginger anyway."

A shock ran through me. I focus on my desk and tried to remain calm despite the fact my heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest.

"What about her?" I said nonchalantly.

CJ hesitated. She glanced out to the bullpen and back to me. "I've just heard a rumor, that's all. I know how you feel about gossip, but I thought you should know."

Oh my god.

"I think Ginger is looking for another job."

"What?" It's not what I expected, but I'm not sure if I'm relieved or not.

"She's already been down to personnel to ask about a transfer," CJ said ruthlessly. "Ginger has every reason to ditch you, Toby and as you've created quite the reputation for yourself, there aren't too many in  
line to take her place. So wouldn't this be the perfect time to make sure she didn't abandon ship?"

CJ sighed at my puzzled look. "Don't tell me you forgot to get gifts for your staff for the party? If I may make a suggestion, for Ginger, something from Tiffany's would be appropriate. As for the rest, try  
to think of something interesting."

I scowl at her as she leaves, but have mixed feelings all the same. I should be relieved that Ginger would consider moving to another position. Then I wouldn't make such an ass out of myself.

I could forget how she moves and the way she smiles. I could forget the way I know the subtle changes in her moods. I would forget the way I feel when she walks into my office, the slight sway of her hips and  
the scent she wears...

"Sir?" Ginger appears at my desk, all business. "Could I get the statistics for the..." She stops to look at me. "You have some fuzz on your left cheek."

I try brushing it off with my hand.

She gives me a smile, a rare occurrence these days. My heart flutters a little. "Here," she says, "Let me get it." Ginger reaches over and ever so gently brushes my beard with her fingertips.

We look at each other and feel it there. Lust, passion, love, whatever it is, it's still there. Ginger quickly moves away and I focus on my desk.

Months of denial and anger have done nothing. How do we get out of this mess?

/End 3


	3. Chapter 4 of 6

Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Four (4/6)

Ginger  
The White House Holiday Party

I make my escape from the throngs of White House staffers to the ladies room, so I can powder my nose and think.

I lock myself in a bathroom stall and take several deep breaths to try to settle the butterflies in my stomach. I try to convince myself that it's the champagne and crab cakes, but I know otherwise.

Bonnie and Cathy took me out for drinks last night. "Our treat," they said. We went to a place in Cathy's neighborhood, a place where other staffers wouldn't see, or hear us.

Talk was naturally about the upcoming formal event. We compared dresses and shoes, debated hairstyles and nail color. Eventually the topic of Sam came up.

"Sam just asked you if he could take you to the holiday party?" Cathy asked, "He's had weeks, months even and he decides yesterday at lunch?"

I nodded. "He was so cute about it too. He was actually kind of nervous, like he was asking me to the prom, or something. I don't know why, considering we work together and all."

Cathy and Bonnie looked at each other and then at me.

It was Cathy who spoke first. "You didn't happen to hear about an argument Toby had with Sam yesterday?"

"They're always arguing about something," I said with shrug. "What's new about that?"

Cathy looked uncomfortable. "Since I sit so close I can hear almost anything that's said in Sam's office. When you came back from lunch with Sam, Toby lit into Sam about taking you to the party."

"What!"

"He said that he didn't want to see you hurt and that he wanted to protect you from Sam and his reputation," Cathy said, staring into her drink. "I'm sorry, but I felt that I needed to tell you this."

Chills run through me and I'm suddenly flushed with embarrassment and anger. I looked at Bonnie. "You don't seem surprised by any of this. What do you know?"

"I don't know anything other than what I've seen," Bonnie admitted. "I know that Toby has had some sort of thing - a crush - something for you since the campaign. He has an obsessive need to know where you  
are and positively snarls when Sam or any man pays you any attention. He's hated anyone you've dated and scared away more than one staffer who thought he could get close to you."

"Except for Sam."

"He's not afraid of Toby," Cathy nodded. "I've seen it too. It's in the way Toby looks at you. There's some serious lust there." She looked me in the eye. "Ginger, have you ever considered Toby in any other  
way than your boss?"

I smiled and blushed.

"Ginger!" Cathy and Bonnie squealed at the same time.

I blurted out. "What would you say to the news that Toby Ziegler is a fantastic kisser?" It must have been the Tom Collins speaking for me because everything came out, from Election Night to Cathy's party to the night Toby told me about Andy and everything in between. Although their reactions ranged from consternation to amusement, they remained  
outraged and sympathetic to my humiliation.

"I bet it doesn't last," Cathy said of Toby's decision to pursue reconciliation.

"Well, we'll see tomorrow," Bonnie said, with a gulp of her martini. "I overheard him telling her what time he would pick her up."

"All the more reason you should be going with Sam," Cathy smiled, devilishly. "He wanted to teach you a few things, if I remember correctly."

I blushed. "None of that. We're friends."

"Enough with this friends business!" Bonnie laughed.

"Sam wants to hold more than the door for you Ginger."

"And he would be the answer to my problems?"

"If he gets Toby out of your system, why not?" Cathy made it sound so reasonable. "At least Sam doesn't wear a wedding ring."

What the hell am I doing? Here I am at a White House party with one of the most eligible bachelors in the country and I'm hiding in a bathroom stall? I get out and look at myself in the full-length mirror. We look  
great together, he in his black tux and I in this slinky black beaded dress cut low in the front and back. Sure there were nudges and whispers when we entered the ballroom, but it was all worth getting  
Toby Ziegler out of my system.

My butterflies calmed, I go back to the party. Grabbing another glass of champagne from a passing waiter and allowed myself to get caught up in the Seaborn charm and became so entranced that I failed to notice Toby enter the ballroom with Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt on his arm.

Toby  
The White House

The moment I stepped into the ballroom, I knew I made the right decision. With her incredible beauty, wit and intelligence, she could cause a stir. There could be no other woman for me than Andrea Wyatt. I took great pride in introducing her to old acquaintances and new. As we made the rounds in the ballroom, I tried to not look for Sam and Ginger. I knew they would be there, but wondered if they would try to  
hide.

"Where's Sam?" I asked Josh, at one point. Usually those two stuck together like glue. But tonight, it was Josh and CJ and I knew why.

"Mm, around," Josh said vaguely, handing me another drink.

It wasn't until dinner was announced that I discovered that Andy and I were sitting at the table with President and Mrs. Bartlet, CJ, Josh, Donna and Leo. CJ had to have had her hand in this but I would have  
to wait until Monday to yell at her.

Dinner was a painful affair. Eating at the same table as the President demanded your full attention and tonight my thoughts were on a couple several tables away. I kept seeing Sam's hand on Ginger's bare back.  
Then I saw Ginger's hand on Sam's arm. And how she looked at him with adoring eyes! This evening needed to end. I wanted to take Andy home and make love to her until I forget the lust/passion/obsession that  
coursed through my veins whenever I looked at Ginger.

But there was more to the evening. After dinner there were speeches to be made by the President and then the First Lady and other members of the White House Staff. I counted the minutes until I thought it would be would be prudent for us to make our departure. But hadn't counted on Andy.

She wanted to dance and not just one dance and not with just me. But with everyone: President Bartlet, Leo, even Josh. Much to my irritation, she kept asking me where Sam was all evening.

She finally got her wish. "Oh, there he is!" and she beckoned him over to us. "Isn't that your assistant? What's her name? Georgette?"

"Ginger."

"Whatever. Isn't that a little risqué to be wearing to the White House?" Andy said with a hint of a sneer.

I couldn't help myself. "I happen to think she looks wonderful."

Andy gave me a close look, but Sam and Ginger appeared in front of us.

"Congresswoman Wyatt, Toby. I hope you're having a nice evening," Sam said pleasantly, but looked only at Andy.

"Hello Sam," Andy said, ignoring Ginger. "Come dance with me." She grabbed his arm and pulled him out to the dance floor leaving Ginger and I alone.

The band started a new song.

"Would you like to dance?" I was angry with Andy for being rude to Ginger. Besides, I wanted to hold her in my arms again, even if to dance.

"Sure." She sounds surprised but held out her hand.

The singer croons Gershwin:

'Oh, do it again, I must say no, no, no, but do it again.'

We drift out to the dance floor.

'My lips just ache to have you take the kiss that's waiting for you. You know if you do, you won't regret it, come and get it.'

Ginger stares at my bow tie. I would do anything to have her look at me. But I don't know what to say to her.

'Oh no one is near  
I may cry oh, oh, oh, but no one can hear  
Mama may scold me cause she told me it was naughty  
But then, please do it again, just do it again.'

I feel her relax and I pull her a little closer.

'Come and get it, oooh  
Turn out the light and hold me close  
Close in your arms all through the night  
Mama may scold me cause she told me it was naughty  
But then, please do it again, just do it again'

Just as the song ends, Sam and Andy are at our side. Without looking at me, Sam takes Ginger back out to the dance floor, pulling her close, his fingers caressing the small of her back.

Before I can react, CJ and Josh have pulled Andy into a conversation and we drift away from the dance floor. A little while later I see Sam leading Ginger to a quiet corner of the ballroom. Without even excusing  
myself from my conversation, I make my way over to them.

Ginger sees me first. Her eyes grow wide with surprise and she looks at Sam, who looks over at me.

"Toby," Sam says, his face stiff.

I come closer. "Sam, can I see you for a moment?" But I'm looking at Ginger.

"Couldn't this wait, Toby?"

"Now, Sam!" And I march to a door that leads outside. The December air is brisk and a few snowflakes are falling. But I don't notice. I know Sam and I have had this discussion, but we need to have it again.

We face each other.

"I warned you," I began.

"Toby, this doesn't concern you!" Sam said angrily.

"I told you to stay away from her."

"What don't you understand about this? Ginger and I are friends."

"Your interest in Ginger is beyond being just 'friends'," I seethed.

"That's none of your business!"

"I'm making it my business."

"You're interfering with your assistant's personal life. Her life outside the office doesn't concern you."

"I'm protecting her," I said. "From you and your reputation."

"Are you Toby? Because right now you're acting like a jealous lover." Sam was pissed. "Aren't you here with Andy? The one that you wear your ring for, even after she left you? Shouldn't you be at her side, playing the doting husband? Well, you're not. Toby, I think you need to ask yourself why you're out here and not in there!" Sam turned and stormed away.

I'm stunned and for a moment I can't breath. Without thinking I go wander back into the ballroom, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I go straight for the bar and bourbon.

"Toby, you know what that stuff does to you." A familiar voice says to me.

I look over to see the Ellen Farrell, ex-wife of a former New York Congressman and longtime family friend. "Ellen!" I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"I'm now an advisor to the First Lady, so it's my duty to show up at these affairs," Ellen said with a smile. "It's been a long time Toby. Come and sit down. I need to give these old bones a rest. My time for long social gatherings has passed."

For the first time this evening I had to laugh. "You can laugh young man, but at sixty-five, you'll appreciate a good chair." Ellen steered me away from the crowd to a spot hidden by a window, but with a good view of the room.

"How is your brother?" Ellen said, "Are you talking to each other? And how is your mother? I've been meaning to call these ages." We talked of family and mutual acquaintances, of things far away from Washington and Ginger. I relaxed a little.

Ellen cocked her head at me. "You need to smile more. You would be a much handsomer man if you just smiled."

"There's not a lot to smile about these days." I said without thinking.

"Not even Andy?" Ellen gave me a look. I looked over to see Andy surrounded by a group of admiring male staffers. "I heard that the two of you were getting back together."

"Yes, we're making progress."

"Progress!" Ellen snorted. "There's no progress in love. It's either there or it's not." She looked at me closely. "You're not sure are you?"

"Ellen, I've wanted this since we signed the divorce papers." I really didn't want to have this conversation with this shrewd of a woman.

Ellen was quiet for a moment. "I understand Andy is running for reelection."

"Yes, her numbers look good."

"But only if you're with her," Ellen said matter-of-factly.

"I don't like what you're implying."

"Come on Toby. We both understand the hypocrisy of the American public!" She said. "You know that's why my ex lost his last campaign. When we divorced a year prior to his re-election, the public never forgot it. People want their politicians only one-way: married!"

"I don't believe this." I try to digest the meaning of what Ellen has just said. "Andy wouldn't use me like that. She wanted this reconciliation as much as I did."

"Andrea Wyatt is smart enough to know that her constituents want to see that she can be a loving wife in addition to an ambitious congresswoman." Ellen said. "For many politicians, having a doting spouse by your side is just as important as the campaign fund."

I was silent, refusing to believe what I just heard. Understanding my need to end this part of our conversation, Ellen steered us to other topics and soon after, she decided to go home, citing fatigue. Her last words to me were, "I've had my share of heartache and if I can spare you any by being honest about Andrea, please don't hate me for it. You're a good man and you deserve better than what you've been  
getting from her."

After Ellen left me, I was left with my thoughts, hoping, praying that what she said wasn't true. Having Ginger and Andy in the same room at the same time was too much. I need to hide, so I disappear into the West Wing.

Ginger  
In the Communications bullpen

For the second time that night I have to get away from everyone. I think I'm safe in the communications bullpen, knowing everyone is at the party. I searched my desk for aspirin, feeling a headache coming on. If only they made these things for heartache, I thought as I fight with the bottle.

A quiet voice behind me says, "Would you like some help?" It was Toby.

"No thank you," I said without looking at him and continue to struggle with the cap.

He just stands there.

"What do you want? Are you here to lecture me too?" I said.

"Ginger, please look at me." There was this tone to his voice. The anger that I saw earlier was gone. He looked different. Defeated?

"I didn't get a chance tell you how beautiful you are tonight," Toby said, his dark eyes burning. "Actually, you're always beautiful."

"Thank you," is the only thing I can think of to say.

"I have a gift for you, in my office," he said, turning away from me, his shoulders slightly slumped. It was a bad sign of his state of mind. Without thinking, I followed.

Out of his desk came a recognizable turquoise box with a white ribbon. He handed it to me. "I wasn't entirely sure of your style so I guessed."

I want to hate him right now. Needed to hate him. Give the box back and tell him to go to hell. But I can't. He has this look on his face and I'm afraid I would crush him with my rejection. My hands open the  
Tiffany box and nestled inside is a simple round jade pendant on a gold chain.

"Oh, Toby, it's so beautiful!" I whispered, taking it out of the box.

"I thought it would match your eyes," Toby said, "Let me help you put it on."

As he puts the necklace around my neck, I can feel his breath and shiver. Toby lightly kisses my shoulder, whispering, "I've missed you." His fingers caress my bare back, and a slight sigh of desire escapes from me. "I dream about you everyday." His mouth begins a trail of kisses down my neck, then to my shoulder. "Tell me you miss me."

"I miss you," I can barely say.

His mouth moves to my other shoulder. "Tell me you need me."

My reply is incoherent as my mind focused on Toby's hands on my body, one of which was on my thigh, inching its way up my dress, the other pressing my hips into his erection.

"Toby, we can't." Rational thought returns to me.

"Why not?" Toby nibbled on one of my ears.

"The door is open!" I said, disentangling myself from his arms. I moved away from him. "I should go. Sam is probably wondering where I am."

I heard Toby behind me. "Why Sam? You know how he is with women. You were there on the campaign trail."

"I saw that he enjoyed the company of women," I knew what Toby meant but would never admit that to him. "So you think the only reason he would go out with me would be to sleep with me? To further his sexual  
adventures with the female staff?"

"I don't want to see you hurt." Despite the words, Toby's eyes hardened.

"What do you care about the pain I feel? Why do you even care about this? You didn't want me." I choked on the searing pain in my heart.

"I never said that."

"But you did!" I lashed out at him. "You stood in my living room, where you had just kissed me moments before and told me that your ex wife wanted you back."

"She did," Toby said quietly, like it hurt him to admit to it. "I had to see if things would work out between us."

"Then why aren't you with her now?" I demanded. "Or do you want it the both ways, at home and at the office?"

"Ginger, you know that's not true!"

I shook my head and walked out the door. "You made your decision and I've made mine. I think under the circumstances I need to quit. Immediately." Before Toby can react, I run to the exit, towards the  
ballroom and Sam.

/End 4


	4. Chapter 5 of 6

Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Five (5/6)

Toby  
In his office

Ginger went to Sam. Ginger chose Sam. I slump on my couch, letting the thought consume me.

"Toby?" CJ was at my door.

"Spying, CJ?" I said, without looking up.

"Actually, no." She said coming in and shutting the door. "I was on my way to my office, when I heard you and Ginger arguing." She pulled up a chair in front of me. "It's time you talked to me."

"It's nothing. We'll work it out."

"Really? Because I thought I just heard Ginger tell you she was quitting. And, judging from the state of both your emotions, I don't think you two were talking business." She paused. "Toby, come Monday morning, Leo will want an explanation as to why your assistant quit. He will ask questions and I'll feel the need to tell him what I know."

I struggled with how I would tell her, how I would explain this madness. "CJ, I don't how this happened," I said, finally. "Ginger was just another assistant on the campaign trail, another person to hand something off to. I'm not even sure when I looked at her, I mean really noticed her. But I was drawn to her and thought about her constantly."

"Why didn't you just ask her out?"

"Could you really see me asking Ginger out on a date?" I said, trying not to sound too pathetic. "I wasn't even sure if she gave me a second thought. I certainly didn't give her any clear indications of my  
interest."

"I take it she's interested now," CJ said, with an arched brow.

"Was," I said, and not without pain. "We, ah, discovered our mutual attraction on Election Night."

I could tell CJ was struggling with what I was telling her, trying to decide where being a friend ended and a senior White House staffer began.

"I need to ask you some questions, just in case."

"In case?"

"In case it turns into a 'thing'." CJ gave me a significant look. "The door of your office was open. Anyone could have walked by and thought any number of things." She paused. "Okay, they would have only  
thought one thing, but hopefully we won't have to go there."

I was silent for a moment, struggling with my conscience. "Fine. Since I think you'll ask, Ginger and I haven't slept together," I said, regretting the fact that we hadn't.

"Okay, I guess that's important," She said. "Thinking in terms of a sexual harassment case and quid pro quo, did you ever proposition Ginger?"

I looked a little uncomfortable "Well, not directly."

"Not directly?"

"CJ, Ginger is the first woman I've wanted to be with since Andy. I wasn't sure how to go about it." I ducked my head in embarrassment. "It was while we were on the campaign trail. I must have been so subtle  
about it that she either didn't get it or if she did, she just ignored it. I couldn't bring myself to do it again."

"Well, that's encouraging. Toby, did you ever think of the age difference?"

"No, why? We were consenting adults."

"One of whom is probably a dozen years older and is in a power position over the other."

"Everything was consensual." My voice became hard.

"Are you sure?" CJ questioned me.

"CJ! I asked her if it was all right. Besides, it was Ginger's idea to be alone together that first time."

"Just because it was her idea, doesn't mean it absolves you from any wrongdoing," CJ pointed out.

She continued. "Did you give her anything? Gifts? Flowers?"

"I gave Ginger a necklace tonight. Upon your suggestion, I went to Tiffany's."

CJ groaned. "How much?"

"How much?"

"How much was the necklace."

"Four hundred." At the look of surprise and consternation on CJ's face was too much for me. "CJ, please. I don't want you to think I planned something to happen tonight, that I was using that gift to get something from Ginger."

CJ softened a little. "Toby, I know you. But to an outsider, it may look different."

"This has never been about getting Ginger into bed. We could have slept together on more than a few occasions, but I, ah, couldn't go through with it."

CJ's eyes grew wide. "No! It was nothing to with 'me'."

"Did this inability to sleep with Ginger have anything to do with Andy?" CJ looked me directly in the eye.

I took a breath before answering. "I'm completely confused about my feelings for Ginger. I thought I was weak for desiring another woman and thought I was cheating on Andy."

"Toby, you've been divorced for a while now and you're allowed to feel this way. Lust, passion, love, it just means you're human again." CJ grabbed my hand. "You can tell yourself that because you continue to  
wear your wedding ring it means that you have an obligation to your ex wife. But I'm here to tell you that it never brought you happiness and it never will. I watched you tonight with Andy."

"What about her?" I don't want to talk about my ex.

"Toby, you announce to the world that you're getting back with your ex-wife and bring her to a public event, but then you spent the night mooning over Ginger," CJ said softly, "It's obvious Andy isn't the one you want to be with."

I was embarrassed that CJ could read my emotions so clearly. "I know. I ran into an old friend tonight who told me that Andy conducted a poll about marriage and politicians' right before we reconciled."

"I heard," CJ was genuinely remorseful. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you and have you to think I had ulterior motives."

"You're not the person I'm angry with."

"She really believes she has a better chance at reelection if she's remarried." CJ squeezed my hand again. "Please rethink this whole thing."

I nod my head. "I already have."

"Does Ginger know any of this?"

"No, I didn't get a chance to explain." I said, embarrassed by the scene in my office.

"Don't you think you should tell her?"

"It doesn't matter now. She probably doesn't want anything to do with me," I said, shaking my head. "I accused her of sleeping with Sam."

"You know Toby, I love you as a friend, but really hate it when you're a jackass," CJ said.

"I wasn't trying to be a jackass," I protested.

"Really? Let's see." CJ's voice dripped with sarcasm. "You interfere with Ginger's personal life. Then accuse her of with sleeping with Sam. On top of which, you have an ex with whom you're trying to reconcile with, but still want a 'slap and tickle' with your assistant when no one's looking. Gee, Toby, I don't know why Ginger would ever let a gem like you go!"

"It isn't like that!" I protested.

"But that's what it looks like to her," CJ was exasperated. "Haven't you figured it out yet? The only reason she went with Sam was because you hurt her tonight and somehow I suspect this isn't the first time. You've given her every reason to never come near you again. Jeez! And you think Josh is a moron!"

I sat for a moment, thinking. "What do I do now?"

"You're asking me?" CJ said with a roll of her eyes, "I really don't know. You've got quite a list of people to talk to though: you're ex-wife, a woman with whom you could have a romantic relationship with and  
the man she ran off with tonight, who happens to be your colleague. All I can see is that there's a lot of ground to be covered before Monday."

"CJ," I put my hand out to stop her from leaving. "I don't know what's between Ginger and me. I have no idea where this could lead."

"You're not supposed to!" CJ said with a laugh. She got up from her chair. "Let's get back to the party. And fix your shirt. I don't want anyone thinking I did that to you."

Ginger  
About the same time that night

I didn't cry. I didn't speak. I just sat in Sam's car, replaying the scene in Toby's office in my head.

Sam left me alone. He knew some thing had happened when I suddenly appeared at his side, the look on my face telling him I needed to leave the party. We departed quickly, without bothering to say good-bye to  
anyone.

He drove me home, and parked in the street.

Sam's voice cut through my thoughts. "Ginger, I'm sorry about tonight and I'm sorry Toby has to be an ass."

I can't help but smile at the tenderness in his eyes and brush his cheek with my fingertips. "Thank you for defending me. I overheard you and Toby arguing outside."

"Did you know that we argued yesterday?"

I nodded. "Cathy told me."

Sam was silent for a moment, contemplating the dilapidated Volvo in front of us. Finally he said, "I know there's this thing going on between you and Toby. Don't try to deny it. Toby is a passionate man  
for the things he finds most important in his life and he's passionate about you. I saw that very clearly yesterday and tonight."

"Sam, none of this matters anymore." I try to brush the topic aside.

"But it does," Sam replied, "Ginger, I have always liked you and, ah, thought that maybe there could be something more to us. But I think I've always known, somewhere in the back of my head, that Toby would kill me if I ever asked you out."

"You wanted to ask me out, but didn't because of Toby?"

Sam looked a little sheepish. "Yeah, I know. It's a pretty lame excuse. Josh said the same thing."

"Josh knows about this?"

"He and CJ were in my office when Toby came storming into my office, ready to defend your honor." Sam gave a slight smile.

"CJ was there too!" I exclaimed. My nightmare was coming true.

"They won't say anything. I made them promise." Sam said, understanding my fears, almost immediately.

"Oh god. Josh Lyman keep a secret? When hell freezes over! It'll be all over the White House before tomorrow." I cover my face with my hands, embarrassed by the outcome of Toby's temper tantrum. "Sam, it was  
never supposed to be this way. I thought he would keep it our secret."

Sam hesitated. "So you were involved with each other?"

"Yes. No! I mean, we were but not like that. It wasn't like we were dating or anything. We just kissed and comforted each other, that's all," I said, blushing. "I'm not sure of what to call what we did."

"Ginger, I would have never thought you a virgin," Sam said, with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"Sam!"

Sam warmed to the theme. "Don't be embarrassed. It's probably been a while for Toby, so maybe the little general needed some help getting to attention."

"Samuel, stop!" I'm mortified, but can't help giggling. "There wasn't anything wrong with the plumbing! It's just that we would get so far and he would stop. I guess he really didn't want me."

The humor was gone from Sam's face. "How do you know that?"

"I just know." My voice cracked. Oh god. "It's always been Andy."

"I don't think this is about Andy."

"But it is!" I felt the tears. "One minute Toby kisses me passionately, the next he tells me he's going back to her."

"From what I've seen, I think he still wants you."

The scene in Toby's office flashed through my mind, his mouth, his hands on my body. "It doesn't matter anymore. Right before we left Toby and I argued in his office and I quit my job." The tears spilled over.

"Why?"

"I can't work with him anymore! It's unbearable." I said, wiping the tears with my hand.

Sam unhooked our seatbelts and pulled me to him to let me cry on his shoulder. My sobs gradually quieted and I snuggled into his arms, comforted by his touch and the light kisses on my head.

"Sam, I wish it was you," I said. "I really do."

"We could be great together," Sam said quietly, his fingers caressing my cheek.

Sensing a change in Sam's mood, I moved out of his arms. "That may be true, but not right now. It would be for all the wrong reasons."

He nodded, staring out his window.

"I should go," I said, gathering up my purse.

Sam walked me up to my apartment door. "Are you going to be alright? Would you like some company?" Sam said, obviously worried.

"I'll be fine. I think I need to be alone for a while." I said, truthfully.

"I'm sorry this turned out to be such a weird night." Sam looked remorseful. "It wasn't what I had planned."

"Please don't worry about it. I still had great time. With you, that is."

"And Toby?"

"It's over."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Sam searched my face.

"Of course it is. What, are trying to put us back together?" I laughed as I pulled out my keys.

We hugged and said good night, with promises of phone calls and keeping in touch.

"If you need, want me to do anything, let me know," was the last thing Sam said to me. I just smiled and closed the door.

Just before I dropped off to sleep, Sam's comment came back to me, 'Are you sure that's what you want?' It was. I needed to get away from Toby and all the pain he caused me. Yes, it was the right decision. But is  
it what I really want?

/End 5


	5. Chapter 6 of 6

Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Six (6/6)

Toby  
Mid-December - early the next morning

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I groaned. The pounding in my head wouldn't stop.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It took me a moment to realize the noise wasn't in my head.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It was at my front door.

"Go 'way!" I shouted, instantly regretting it.

"Toby!" A voice penetrated though my alcohol-hazed mind. "Toby, open up!"

Oh, god. I peeled my eyes open to look at my watch. 7:04 in the morning. Or was it the evening?

I struggled off the couch I must have passed out on. It wasn't that I wanted to answer the door; I just wanted that infernal racket to stop. I threw the door open to find Sam, still dressed in his tuxedo.

"I need to talk to you." Sam was first to speak. I hate that.

I opened my mouth to argue but the look in Sam's eye told me that I had no choice in the matter. I opened the door a little further to let him into the foyer.

After a long pause, Sam said. "It's about Ginger."

"Where is she?" I have to know.

"I took her home," Sam said, without embarrassment. "Ginger doesn't know I'm here."

Did you sleep with her? I want to ask. I looked him over for any signs of a sexual encounter, anything to prove to me that they were together. It would make hating both of them much easier.

"Then why are you bothering me?" My lips curled.

Sam couldn't look at me. He said, "You're the one she wants, Toby."

"How do you know?"

"She didn't tell me. It was in her eyes when she talked about you. And it's in yours, even now, as we speak."

Ginger  
Her apartment- That same day

No sooner had I said to good-bye to Sam and reassured him I would be okay, than I called Cathy and poured my soul out to her. Like a good friend, she listened and didn't remind me it was two o'clock in the morning. She allowed me to weep and berate myself and Toby and the fates that brought us together.

Later that morning, she showed up at my apartment with breakfast and a box of tissues, offering her other shoulder to cry on.

We poured over every kiss, every look, and every nuance of my relationship with Toby. I wanted to reassure myself that I could hate him for the rest of my life and not regret it.

"He's not worth it," I said. "Even if he managed to peel himself away from her, I would always be second to his ex."

"I thought they looked pretty solid last night," Cathy admitted. "Until I saw Toby and Sam outside on the terrace."

"Did it look like they were arguing?"

"They looked as if they were disagreeing about something, which is how they always look," Cathy said. "Then again Toby kept staring at the two of you all night."

"I know." I couldn't help but feel a tiny glow of satisfaction at this. "I tried ignoring him and losing myself in Sam."

"There's still time to do that," Cathy said, with arched eyebrow.

I interrupt her train of thought. "I want to keep Sam as a friend."

"So what your telling me is that you'd rather have the attention of a divorced, grumpy, disillusioned man than one of the most eligible bachelors in Washington, if not the country?" Cathy was impatient with my excuses.

"It would never work and besides, it would be for all the wrong reasons!"

"Not even for make-me-feel-better sex?" Cathy asked, "Oh, come on! Sam didn't get that reputation for nothing."

"No." I was firm.

"But you thought about it, didn't you? Last night in the car, when he held you in his arms, you wondered about it, didn't you?" Cathy stared me down, reading my every thought.

I blushed and nodded.

"I knew it!"

"But only for a moment! And only because I as such a wreck last night."

"Sam would be so good to you."

"That's not a good enough reason. I couldn't think of him any other way than as a friend."

"But Ginger, Toby has never been your 'friend'. He's never even been friendly towards you. Besides you're not even sure if you're in love with him. The only thing you two are in is lust."

Which was entirely true. I had no idea what was between us, if anything other than physical attraction. But I would never know, now would I? And this thought left me with a deep sense of disappointment.

Toby  
His apartment

I want to ask Sam if he's slept with Ginger, but I know it's not the question to ask right now.

I had to believe what he's telling me. Sam was too much of an innocent to try and lie about something like this.

"I want Ginger to be happy and if it meant trying to put you two together, then I would do that. For her." Sam looked completely miserable, something I couldn't help but have a grim sense of satisfaction about. "She's at home. Go to her. If you don't I will."

Ginger  
Her Apartment

"So what's it all about?"

"What?"

"This thing that's going on between the two of you."

"Thing?"

"Yeah. Just what is it that you see in him, 'cause the only I can see is a depressed guy with a beard and a bad attitude. So what is it with him?"

"I don't know, I just think he's sexy," I said, blushing, "It's mostly his eyes. There's always this deep intensity when he looks at me."

"Lust?"

"More than that. I can't find the words to express it. It's just there."

"And the beard? You like the beard?"

I smiled. "It's soft."

"He's bald."

"Not completely."

Cathy rolled her eyes. "You are so lost."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not ready to hate Toby."

I sputtered denials but Cathy only grinned and went back to watching TV.

Toby  
In his kitchen

I tried putting the sickening feeling in my stomach down to my hangover and concentrated on my "cure-all breakfast" of eggs over easy, with hash browns and toast. My mouth twisted into a bitter smile as I read  
a small blurb in on my ex wife, buried in a Washington newspaper gossip column: "Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt has confirmed rumors that she and former husband Communications Director Toby Ziegler have reconciled."  
I almost choked on my eggs at the next line: "A private ceremony has been planned for next month." I fumed a little but then smiled grimly at our argument last night.

I found Andy dancing with one of her admirers. I didn't have to ask if I could cut in. The young aide merely stammered something and scurried away.

"Was that really necessary?" Andy demanded.

"You'll have plenty of time for your dalliances after tonight," I murmured in her ear, pulling Andy closer with a firm grip.

"What are you talking about?" Andy asked, her eyes narrowed, searching my face. But I gave away nothing and merely smiled.

As soon as the song ended, I moved her to the corner where Ellen Farrell shared her revelation with me.

"Tell me Andrea, why do you want this reconciliation?" I asked.

"What is this about?" Andy's guard went up immediately.

I cleared my throat. "I just want us to be perfectly clear as to why we are doing this."

"Oh, Pokey," Andy purred, stroking my knee. Normally this subtle touch would have filled me with overpowering lust, but not now. "You know we belong together."

"For your re-election polls, maybe," I said harshly.

Andy's eyes grew wide. "What are you talking about? I would never..."

"Cut the crap Andy. I know about the polls you did concerning divorced versus married politicians. You and I both know that a married Andrea Wyatt has a better chance at re-election than a divorced Andrea Wyatt. That's why you wanted to reconcile, isn't it?"

"Toby, it was more than that!"

"Really? I wasn't going to just be your trophy husband?"

"No! Toby, you have to believe me. We need each other!" Andy turned those magnificent brown eyes to me, silently pleading to believe her.

I wanted to believe her but I knew it was over. I shook my head and started to walk away. "We're done."

"There must be someone else; otherwise you would never leave me?" Andrea's words stopped me in my tracks.

"It's that Amazon, CJ Cregg. I bet that under that cool demeanor, she's a slut in bed."

"Andy," I growled.

"Or is it one of the other staffers? Have you been dipping your pen in the White House ink?" Andy said in a mocking tone. "Getting a little action from one of the aides? Maybe your assistant?"

"That's enough!"

"It's that red headed bitch, isn't it? And don't think I didn't notice you and Sam competing for her tonight," Andy hissed. "So I was right. I guess I'm not surprised you would seduce a pretty young thing."

"Shut up!" In an instant I was looming over her. "I didn't seduce her!"

"So, how long have you been screwing her? I bet you're using that couch in your office for more than dictation." She smiled smugly. "You know what they do to men like you who fuck their underlings."

"Since you are so interested, I never slept with Ginger."

"Then why would you want someone like that?" Andy sneered.

"I need her," I said simply, "More than I ever needed you." And I turned and walked away.

A wave of bitterness washed over me when I thought of all those years of hoping and waiting for Andy to come back to me. And now all that I had to show for it was a hangover and a broken heart. Before I could change my mind and hide in my office, I set off for Ginger's apartment.

Ginger  
Her Apartment

Cathy and I declared a non-Toby hour to think and talk about other subjects. But didn't work. It must have been the "Dear Abby" column about a woman who regretted leaving a man behind on an impulsive moment.

"Cathy?"

"Hm?" She was reading the newspaper.

"I'm going see him."

"What?" Cathy looked up, her eyes wide.

"I want to see Toby. The two of us need to talk about what happened." I got up from the couch.

"But I thought that you said you never wanted see him again."

"I know I said that. But I need to talk to him."

"You need a night with Sam."

"I need Toby."

Cathy made a slight grimace and went back to her paper. "Are you sure that's what you want to do?

"Yes." I was very determined.

"Oh no," Cathy muttered under breath, "Maybe you should rethink that decision."

"What do you mean?"

She pointed to tiny column tucked away in a corner. "You'd better sit down."

I read the four lines and sat down with a thump. The room spun around me. "I hate him."

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Cathy, I was ready to go to Toby, to tell him that I never wanted Sam, that nothing's ever happened between us and that, that..." I burst into tears.

At that moment, as if on cue, my door buzzed.

Cathy stood.

"Don't answer it," I gulped, "I don't want to talk to anyone."

"Don't you even want me to see who it is?" Cathy asked, over the incessant buzzing.

I shook my head.

The buzzing stopped abruptly. Then there was a shout. "Ginger!"

Before I could react, Cathy was off the couch and opening the door. It was Toby.

"Come on in Toby, it's about time you showed up," Cathy said, pulling him into the room, "And about time for me to go."

"Please don't!" I exclaimed, suddenly nervous of Toby's presence in my apartment.

"Now I want the two of you to kiss and make up and stop making the rest of so miserable!" And before I knew it, Cathy was out the door.

Toby  
Ginger's Apartment

I didn't know what to say. But she did.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here after what happened last night!" Ginger started in on me.

"Ginger, please listen to me," I begged.

"Why? Are you going to read me your wedding announcement?" She waved the newspaper in her hand at me. "Or are you here to make sure Sam isn't lurking in my bedroom. Go on, have a look!"

"That's not why I'm here!"

"What other reason could you possibly have to show up at my doorstep? Or do you think I'm weak enough to give into one of your sexual escapades when your wife isn't looking?"

"Andy and I are through!" I could see the surprise in Ginger's eyes. Clearly this wasn't what Ginger had expected. But that didn't stop her.

"So you've come running back to me? Andy dumps you again and you think I'm desperate enough to take you back?"

"Ginger, please hear me out. This was all Sam's idea, coming to see you. He showed up at my apartment this morning and said-" here I hesitated. How was I going to explain this? "He said it was apparent that we have a connection and that I should come and see you."

Ginger looked confused. "What does that mean?"

"Sam wants you to be happy and if that meant putting us together, then he would do that," I said, quietly. "He told me that if I didn't come to you, now, and rectify this misunderstanding, then he would."

"Misunderstanding?" Ginger exclaimed. "You call trying to interfere with my personal life a misunderstanding? Toby, you tried to stop Sam from seeing me. You accused him of being a bad person and trying to take advantage of me. This man is supposed to be your friend, not some chump off the street."

"I was afraid of what I saw."

"Which was?" Ginger glared at me.

"Sam's in love with you," I said quietly. "I didn't want him to take you away from me."

"But Toby, I'm not his to take nor yours to keep."

"I realize that now and I'm sorry."

Ginger  
Her Apartment

I was stunned. Toby never apologized for anything.

Walking further into the room, he said, "Ignore the wedding announcement. I had nothing to do with it. It was all Andy's doing. She leaked that crap to the press to force the issue."

"I didn't think you had to be forced into this."

"I wasn't so much forced than tricked," Toby said. "Andy polled her constituents for their attitudes on divorced politicians versus married politicians. And guess what?"

"The majority of people prefer their politicians married? Who didn't see those results from a mile away?" I could feel my anger slipping away. Damn! All he had to do was come near me and I melted.

"I knew I should have smelled a rat when Andy came back so suddenly. She was never that biddable nor so eager to please me," Toby said, obviously embarrassed by his naivety in this whole matter. "She was thinking reelection and I was thinking she wanted a marriage."

"So what is it that you want?" I asked quietly.

"You." He continued, carefully. "It's always been you. I don't know what I can do prove this after what we've been through. But ever since I met you, I needed to have you near me."

A thought came to me. "Is that why you hired me?"

Toby looked self-conscience. "I nearly convinced myself that if you worked for me that you could learn to hate me and I wouldn't have to think of you any way other than as an employee. I didn't expect you to be loyal, willing to put up with my shit, no matter what I did or said to you." He shook his head and smiled ruefully. "But the truth of the matter was that I was afraid of what would happen if I was free to pursue you."

"This is why you held onto your wedding ring and Andy." I suddenly felt a little breathless.

Toby nodded and held out his left hand to me. The circle of gold was gone. "I'll understand if you tell me to never come near you again, but I wanted to show you that I'm ready."

In that moment I knew his heart and soul was mine for the taking. But was I ready? All of this time I thought that this is what I wanted, unconditional surrender of his past. Suddenly, this man and the  
overwhelming power of his personality and the passion in his eyes frightened me. Could I plunge into the great unknown with a man that I really knew nothing about? I studied his face, lined with exhaustion and rejection. But there was something else: hope.

"Toby," was all I had to say. In an instant I was in his arms.

Toby  
Ginger's Bedroom

We spent the rest of the day making love and talking about what was next. There was Sam. There was the issue of Ginger's resignation. The inevitable roar of gossip. And, of course, telling Leo of our new  
relationship.

"Do you think we'll give the poor man a heart attack?" Ginger asked from the crook of my arm.

"I don't think so. But just to make sure, I'll have CJ come with me. She'll make sure he sees our side of things; although there really isn't a whole lot he can do or say. The President has made it clear that as long as his staff is discreet, our private lives are  
our own." As I said this, I realized that I should have taken the same advice to heart. Well, never mind, I thought as I gently cupped Ginger's breast in my hand. It worked out despite my meddling.

"Can I be there too? It might help smooth things over if Leo sees us together, to see that this is real," Ginger said.

I kissed her forehead. "Of course, my love. I think he's always had a soft spot for you. But under the circumstances, he may want you to move to another area and I happen to agree. It will help keep the gossips at bay."

Ginger nodded in agreement. "It would only create bad feelings with the other assistants."

A bad feeling came over me. "Leo isn't the one we should be worried about. Andy may try to cause trouble for us."

"How?"

"She may try to leak to the press that you broke up our engagement," I said, barely suppressing my anger. "I might be portrayed as a lecherous boss preying on my assistant."

I could tell that Ginger hadn't thought about any of this. "Everything was consensual," she argued.

"That may be," I thought of my discussion with CJ. "But I am, was your boss and I'm far older than you."

"Age doesn't matter," Ginger said, matter-of-factly. "I'm 25, hardly a child."

I felt a twinge in my heart as I did the math. "Eighteen years is hardly a moot point."

She turned my face to hers. "Don't think about it. All that should matter is that we found each other."

Ginger sat up and stretched. "I'm hungry, let's go eat."

"Eat?" Food was the last thing on my mind, as my eyes slid down Ginger's body. An idea came to me. "Only if you wear that black dress."

She gave me a wicked grin. "And only if you help me take it off later."

Somewhere between ordering dinner and telling a childhood anecdote, did I remember my fear of this relationship. And as I watched the display of emotions flutter across Ginger's face, I realized it didn't matter. Ginger would replace those fears with the warmth of her soul and that was more than I could have ever hoped for.

/End


End file.
